just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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