Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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