Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
