Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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