You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Umm I'm too high to move.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
