I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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