when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
