In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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