So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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