I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
