he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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