I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
