I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
is it fun? or sober?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
