You really coming over, don't trick.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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