She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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