im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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