My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I FOUND THE LEGS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
