Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
