And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
