wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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