can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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