Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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