If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
...so i touched it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
