is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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