i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she smelled like a LAN party
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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