you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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