I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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