im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
