textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
