I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
