This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
