Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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