I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
