I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
