EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
