weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
