Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
