I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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