Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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