Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
