just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
