Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
