so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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