My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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