Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
