Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
