I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
