Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
