Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
