I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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