We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
