We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
