and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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