I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
