DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
